Tuesday, February 3, 2009
A back in the day memory
I remember walking to the park with my mother. she held my hand with a slighty tight grip. She was walking fast and i remember trying to keep up with her pace with my 4 year old legs. I was glad when we finally made it to the park, then i could take a break. Then when i regained my posture. i ran to the swings. My mother pushed me, but i didn't need her help. I didn't care though it was just nice to be with her. I loved feeling the breeze against my face, as my twists in my hair flew passed my face with the barrettes on the end. I hopped off the swing, when i saw the ice cream man drive by. I remember yelling "Mommy let's get ice cream!" I was so over joyed. She picked me up and we ran to the ice cream truck. The first taste of the coldness against my warm tongue, was the absolute sweetest. . . . .
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I like the description of how it felt to be swinging with the breeze against your face. You might consider expanding more on why it was so nice just to be with your mom.
ReplyDeleteI like a lot of the descriptions in this piece. Especially the part about your four year old legs not being able to keep up with your mom. One thing you should look out for is using a passive voice. Like when you say: " with a slightly tight grip". Is it tight? Or is it loose? What exactly does "slightly tight" mean? If your more assertive: " her grip is tight". Then the reader gets a better image. Overall, nice work.
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